Break, Smile and Bear It
by BiOCaAM
Summary: You hate in another person what you see in yourself. Another MelloXSayu, nowai!


**Break, Smile and Bear It**

There are moments in your life where you blink, and somebody is standing there, and the next moment they are gone. Usually it doesn't matter—it _shouldn't _matter—but for Mello, it was different.

The first time he heard her cry was when she was talking to her father. It wasn't the sad, depressed and broken cry, but rather, something more like relieved tears. Mello briefly, for some estranged reason, considered how she would tell her future family, if she had one, about this strange chapter in her life.

Not that it was the last time she cried. Hell no, she was a girl. And girls cried all the time. Didn't they? Mello, having no formal education about the psychological makeup (no pun intended) of females, didn't know what to say or do to alleviate her constant depression.

At first, he ignored it, but then his quick temper got the best of him. He of course had completely forgotten what Matt had told him. _Girls hate when you yell at them._

But he did anyway.

* * *

Yagami Sayu had nothing in her mental files that she could use to prove that it wasn't a fatal attraction. 

Mello—was that even a valid name?—was somebody that brought out the masochistic side of you. He was the one who would add insult to injury with pleasure and wouldn't think twice about killing someone. Yet you'd constantly find yourself coming back to hear his voice.

"Don't be so sad," he told her as-a-matter-of-factly once. "Nobody's going to hurt you, as long as your dad gives us what we want."

She looked up at him slowly and said without missing a beat, "Who is 'we,' Mello? You're part of a _mob_. The last time I checked, mob members would gladly kill each other." _God, I'm in hot water now, _she thought bitterly, biting on her lower lip nervously. Retreating, she mumbled something about going to the bathroom, the one freedom that she had.

Was this what a heart attack felt like?

* * *

He felt guilty sometimes. It was mostly when he looked at those god damned eyes of hers. She probably didn't do anything in her life that could even compare to what he had done. 

He hoped to God it stayed that way. Who was he kidding? Yagami Sayu never asked for a single thing since she was kidnapped. She didn't complain once. All she kept going on about was how much faith she had in her family and that if she was killed, then at least it wasn't her brother or father.

They were so far from each other on the moral spectrum that there was a paradox whenever they were in the same room.

He hated her eyes.

* * *

She didn't remember how or even why, but he pissed her off. Severely. Normally she had a high capacity for his taunts and stupid remarks, but that capacity had been eroded to almost nothing. Her once cool circuit now became a short fuse. 

She shoved him against the wall and held him in a chokehold, holding back a few rebellious tears. He just closed his eyes and sighed. "Typical girl. Do what you need to do."

She blinked, let him go and sunk to the ground, sobbing into her palms.

He had to watch her sleep. Needless to say, they hadn't told her and she still didn't know, but you could say that he somewhat enjoyed it. She dreamed a lot, apparently, because a rainbow of expressions crossed her face. She'd look scared, relieved, happy, sad (that wasn't too new), and at times confused.

It amused him, to say the least. _She_ amused him.

Shit. In a nutshell, this was exactly what he _wasn't _supposed to do.

* * *

He hated how she could go on with her life so easily, how she could wake up every morning and pretended not to remember the day before. 

He hated that because he couldn't do it like her.

He hated that she was just another thing he couldn't have, and that this time, it wasn't Fate's fault—it was his own.

_A/N: Only somebody with a twisted mind like mine could come up with something like this, but you know you love it. I'm so sick of seeing yaoi that I suppose I have to write all the het myself…woe is me. ;.;_


End file.
